[ death has limits. in that, it is not so different than life, and it is possible that therein lies the common ground of jujutsu sorcerers and ordinary people. none of them are exempt, and all of them can, given situations and details, be quite powerful. what drives an individual is their selfishness and their selflessness; creatures of contradiction whether they know it or not, whether they admit it or not.
in her life and her not-quite-life, for rika it has always been okkotsu yuuta — a heartbeat and a fatality all in one.
her happiest years were with him, and the form simply did not matter; likewise now, it does not matter. that she can be near him, that she can protect him within whatever limitations they encounter, it...well no. it isn't enough. it would never be enough to 'try', only to do, to well and truly save him when he needs saving, help when he needs help, and blot out in no uncertainty that which would threaten him.
to rika, it has never been a question of whether or not it is okay for yuuta to live; it has been, rather, been the desire to make sure he can live.
in a perfect world, she would always be with him.
even in an imperfect world, here they are.
sometimes yuuta speaks and she can hear him as if under deep water, comforting in the way even his unhappiness was a comfort because it meant he was alive. she cannot always understand, cannot, even if she understands, always respond. even before he let her go, it was sometimes this way, but the water was her own haze of inhumanity narrowed down to the head of nail where thrived only yuuta: her cat's cradle of existence, wanting to pull at his threads and yet also make the shapes he wanted without being able to touch the part of her that was still a person under all that curse. if before it was a near madness, now it is like the consciousness of desire with less desperation.
if she cannot reply, it breaks the heart a curse and a girl might have. there is only this: to keep trying.
even when she doesn't understand, she tries.
understanding is, of course, better.
rika is rika.
a jujutsu sorcerer? the presence of her settles near and never near enough all at once, unseen even to yuuta at this moment yet she is there. and she thinks: yes. because certainly someone like yuuta was going to become one, given his cursed energy, given his far-back lineage despite not knowing it at the time. she doesn't have to have 'grown up' to know: they were, in the best of situations, not going to have any normal life. without being a jujutsu sorcerer, she would not be able to protect him, would not be able to be at his side. in the end, she would rather be a curse than nothing at all, if it means staying with him like this.
love was telling yuuta not to come to where she truly resides too soon, and love is also yuuta permitting her to exist in this way with him after that.
who else would understand that?
it doesn't matter.
this culling game reeks. she dislikes the danger it puts him in, but yuuta was always resolute in his feelings even if he did not know whether he was allowed to have them. she knows he will not disappear from things, and indeed there are rules here. not formed but present, her words come to yuuta and only yuuta, even if someone else were here. ]
Together.
[ sometimes, to make sure it comes through without confusion, one word both suffices and is strongest. this one especially: the clarity of a shrine bell. with it: the thin fingertips of winter, because even when she's subtle, she's also overwhelming every time they are able to connect —
no subject
in her life and her not-quite-life, for rika it has always been okkotsu yuuta — a heartbeat and a fatality all in one.
her happiest years were with him, and the form simply did not matter; likewise now, it does not matter. that she can be near him, that she can protect him within whatever limitations they encounter, it...well no. it isn't enough. it would never be enough to 'try', only to do, to well and truly save him when he needs saving, help when he needs help, and blot out in no uncertainty that which would threaten him.
to rika, it has never been a question of whether or not it is okay for yuuta to live; it has been, rather, been the desire to make sure he can live.
in a perfect world, she would always be with him.
even in an imperfect world, here they are.
sometimes yuuta speaks and she can hear him as if under deep water, comforting in the way even his unhappiness was a comfort because it meant he was alive. she cannot always understand, cannot, even if she understands, always respond. even before he let her go, it was sometimes this way, but the water was her own haze of inhumanity narrowed down to the head of nail where thrived only yuuta: her cat's cradle of existence, wanting to pull at his threads and yet also make the shapes he wanted without being able to touch the part of her that was still a person under all that curse. if before it was a near madness, now it is like the consciousness of desire with less desperation.
if she cannot reply, it breaks the heart a curse and a girl might have. there is only this: to keep trying.
even when she doesn't understand, she tries.
understanding is, of course, better.
rika is rika.
a jujutsu sorcerer? the presence of her settles near and never near enough all at once, unseen even to yuuta at this moment yet she is there. and she thinks: yes. because certainly someone like yuuta was going to become one, given his cursed energy, given his far-back lineage despite not knowing it at the time. she doesn't have to have 'grown up' to know: they were, in the best of situations, not going to have any normal life. without being a jujutsu sorcerer, she would not be able to protect him, would not be able to be at his side. in the end, she would rather be a curse than nothing at all, if it means staying with him like this.
love was telling yuuta not to come to where she truly resides too soon, and love is also yuuta permitting her to exist in this way with him after that.
who else would understand that?
it doesn't matter.
this culling game reeks. she dislikes the danger it puts him in, but yuuta was always resolute in his feelings even if he did not know whether he was allowed to have them. she knows he will not disappear from things, and indeed there are rules here. not formed but present, her words come to yuuta and only yuuta, even if someone else were here. ]
Together.
[ sometimes, to make sure it comes through without confusion, one word both suffices and is strongest. this one especially: the clarity of a shrine bell. with it: the thin fingertips of winter, because even when she's subtle, she's also overwhelming every time they are able to connect —
— the sound and the season of coming home. ]