( none of that is romance. infatuation, maybe, but the reason yuuta knows so much about love at such a young age is because the events of his life have allowed him to soar to its zeniths and plummet into its furrows several times already. ever since he'd unraveled rika's curse, he's had time to think about it — about the time after her death but also before, to the halcyon years they'd spent as one another's mutual shadows, shunned by most of the world but finding a near-perfect solace in one another. to love someone deeply is to open yourself up to so much more. when she had been bound to him as a curse, he had often feared rika, and in his most terrible and desperate moments he had put the blame on her for her reactions instead of on him for necessitating them. when someone knows you so well, when so much of who you are is wrapped up in them and who they are... it's easy to hurt and to get hurt; you know them so well that you know all the things that could wound them, but your words and your actions by the same token have more potent healing ability than even time itself could offer.
it's something he can't expect any of his classmates to understand. he doesn't try to explain it to them. he had never taken the time to tell them that when he had offered everything he was and everything he would ever be to rika, that it had been entirely out of acceptance and out of love — love for his friends, so that he could do what was necessary to save their lives. love for rika, out of gratitude for all that she had done for him and how patient she had been in playing the role of a monster until he could follow through with the promise he'd made to her. and the love that's hardest to explain: that for himself, for deciding that if he was going to shrug out of his mortal coil as he had only narrowly avoided doing, and willingly, before joining jujutsu high, he would do so living as much as he ever had for himself and how he felt in the moment.
see? it's not something one can explain because it's often irrational, often contradictory and capricious, but it is what it is. or, at least, that's how he sees it after months of quiet rumination.
jujutsu sorcerers are accustomed to bidding with all that they have. he'd realized that when he watched toge walk away to face off with the semi-grade 1 curse on his own before yuuta had decided to fight with him — they do so because they know that tomorrow is never guaranteed to them or anyone that they care for, and they fight that much harder to try to actualize it themselves. it's this, combined with his own quiet sort of boldness that had only grown in the last year or so, that allows yuuta to act freely and without concern for judgment or appearances. why should he, or any of them? life is short. far too short for him not to appreciate the smile as it breaks on megumi's face like the sun taking a brief stand in eternally overcast skies, though yuuta also appreciates his calm stoicism for its own merits as well. he wonders why he otherwise holds back. he can sense it in a momentary tenseness that plays out in contradiction on his face, the internal conflict of what's wanted and what's denied. he could have a specific reason — would he tell him if he overstepped?
another soft, warm laugh, another half-step closer. close enough now that megumi might be able to feel the warmth of his breath as he replies, ) Isn't it natural to be a little dangerous sometimes?
( he might know a thing or two about that.
the moment is heavy and precipitous with what yuuta wants to do here — what they both most likely want to do here, but... he's wary of pressing too far. for now he merely lifts both of their hands as they are clasped together and rests them lightly against his chest, over the steady beat of his heart. )
🤭
it's something he can't expect any of his classmates to understand. he doesn't try to explain it to them. he had never taken the time to tell them that when he had offered everything he was and everything he would ever be to rika, that it had been entirely out of acceptance and out of love — love for his friends, so that he could do what was necessary to save their lives. love for rika, out of gratitude for all that she had done for him and how patient she had been in playing the role of a monster until he could follow through with the promise he'd made to her. and the love that's hardest to explain: that for himself, for deciding that if he was going to shrug out of his mortal coil as he had only narrowly avoided doing, and willingly, before joining jujutsu high, he would do so living as much as he ever had for himself and how he felt in the moment.
see? it's not something one can explain because it's often irrational, often contradictory and capricious, but it is what it is. or, at least, that's how he sees it after months of quiet rumination.
jujutsu sorcerers are accustomed to bidding with all that they have. he'd realized that when he watched toge walk away to face off with the semi-grade 1 curse on his own before yuuta had decided to fight with him — they do so because they know that tomorrow is never guaranteed to them or anyone that they care for, and they fight that much harder to try to actualize it themselves. it's this, combined with his own quiet sort of boldness that had only grown in the last year or so, that allows yuuta to act freely and without concern for judgment or appearances. why should he, or any of them? life is short. far too short for him not to appreciate the smile as it breaks on megumi's face like the sun taking a brief stand in eternally overcast skies, though yuuta also appreciates his calm stoicism for its own merits as well. he wonders why he otherwise holds back. he can sense it in a momentary tenseness that plays out in contradiction on his face, the internal conflict of what's wanted and what's denied. he could have a specific reason — would he tell him if he overstepped?
another soft, warm laugh, another half-step closer. close enough now that megumi might be able to feel the warmth of his breath as he replies, ) Isn't it natural to be a little dangerous sometimes?
( he might know a thing or two about that.
the moment is heavy and precipitous with what yuuta wants to do here — what they both most likely want to do here, but... he's wary of pressing too far. for now he merely lifts both of their hands as they are clasped together and rests them lightly against his chest, over the steady beat of his heart. )