( he can be a little dense and obtuse sometimes, but in this instance, it's not as though he's ignorant of how personal the information he's sharing is. it's not very difficult to say, especially since his closest friends back home had been there and present for much of the unfolding of it. that, and... he'd hidden himself away for so long, only in the presence of other people when it was socially expected or demanded of him, that he'd unwittingly starved himself of the simple pleasure of speaking to another person about things that you were going through. he likes to act like the events of last year are all behind him, that he's suddenly climbed on top of the mountain of grief that he wandered around the base of for all of those years after rika's death, but... it's more complicated than that. grief is not so much like an obstacle that one overcomes โ it's a lifelong process, and one that can get a great deal easier with time, but there will always be small things and certain times that cause it to become harder as well.
so there's something bizarrely liberating to talk about it, but he also doesn't think he can make any sense of what rika is unless he explains some of the reason why the cursed spirit existed in the first place.
he smiles, the expression worn and gentle with the familiarity that time grants him when thinking about this. he decides... not to tell johnny that he had nearly gone with her. if maki's hand wasn't there to fall on his shoulder and stop him, with toge and panda at her side, there to entreat him to stay... it's hard to say what he might have done, what he might be doing now. rika had told him not to come to her side too soon, and he's doing his best to follow that directive, but โ he's sure she was sad to be separated from him as well, wherever she is now. )
I guess I learned that... sometimes loving someone means letting them go.
( it's natural for the heart to want the opposite. it's a blind, instinctual thing, desperate for comfort and fearful of pain. he had been the same as a child... he just also had the power to keep her with him by force. what he'd done to her had been violent and controlling, even if he had done it unknowingly and out of love. so her love had similarly become violent and controlling; it had hurt countless people, even killed others. he carries that guilt, along with the guilt of having done that to her in the first place. regardless, now is about the time that he does get at least a little self-conscious and awkward about foisting so much on a new friend. he shifts his weight from one foot to another, fidgeting with the hem of his shirt with one of his hands. ) No, I'm sorry... It's not really an easy or pleasant story to hear, I know. It's just kind of hard explaining what "Rika" is without explaining where she came from.
Regardless, Johnny... I'm glad that you talked to me about this. Um, I'll be sure not to tell anyone about it. ( since he'd been so cloak and daggers about telling him, he has to assume he'd want to keep it down-low as much as possible...? )
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
so there's something bizarrely liberating to talk about it, but he also doesn't think he can make any sense of what rika is unless he explains some of the reason why the cursed spirit existed in the first place.
he smiles, the expression worn and gentle with the familiarity that time grants him when thinking about this. he decides... not to tell johnny that he had nearly gone with her. if maki's hand wasn't there to fall on his shoulder and stop him, with toge and panda at her side, there to entreat him to stay... it's hard to say what he might have done, what he might be doing now. rika had told him not to come to her side too soon, and he's doing his best to follow that directive, but โ he's sure she was sad to be separated from him as well, wherever she is now. )
I guess I learned that... sometimes loving someone means letting them go.
( it's natural for the heart to want the opposite. it's a blind, instinctual thing, desperate for comfort and fearful of pain. he had been the same as a child... he just also had the power to keep her with him by force. what he'd done to her had been violent and controlling, even if he had done it unknowingly and out of love. so her love had similarly become violent and controlling; it had hurt countless people, even killed others. he carries that guilt, along with the guilt of having done that to her in the first place. regardless, now is about the time that he does get at least a little self-conscious and awkward about foisting so much on a new friend. he shifts his weight from one foot to another, fidgeting with the hem of his shirt with one of his hands. ) No, I'm sorry... It's not really an easy or pleasant story to hear, I know. It's just kind of hard explaining what "Rika" is without explaining where she came from.
Regardless, Johnny... I'm glad that you talked to me about this. Um, I'll be sure not to tell anyone about it. ( since he'd been so cloak and daggers about telling him, he has to assume he'd want to keep it down-low as much as possible...? )